Phobia of commitment refers to the fear of engaging in committed long-term relationships. This can be in personal, social, or professional relationships. Much of the phobia derives from fear from anxiety, failure, and other various factors. Commitment phobia is not only detrimental to ones self but also to the other party that is susceptible to get hurt.
Sometimes commitment phobia can be a personality disorder. Professional help is often helpful in treating such cases. Things may be going great, and then suddenly the commitment phobic will decide to sabotage or end it all without a valid reason. This can be frustrating, upsetting, and confusing to the other persons involved.
They want to protect themselves from feeling that type of hurt and disappointment again. By shielding and protecting themselves, they build a wall. But in turn, they often hurt the others around them. For example, when a woman is dating a man with commitment phobia, she will be left hurt and confused when the man decides to end the relationship when things have been going so well. The commitment fearing man wants to leave because the idea of taking the commitment any further makes him feeling trapped.
Shutting all doors to avoid feeling any negative emotions such as pain, disappointment, neglect are all components of what contributes to this phobia. Past painful childhood memories of a mother abandoning the family when things seemed to be going well, or having a former boyfriend break up with you for no apparent warnings can all contribute to wanting to never deal with commitments again.
The commitment phobic hardly ever stays at one job for many years. When the job gets boring or he or she finds something better, they will leave with no hesitation. They are thrill seekers. The novelty of something new intrigues them. And with personal relationships, it is no different. Being with the same person for so long is hardly exciting to them anymore. They seek the chase. He or she will possibly date multiple people at the same time. And even if they have been in a relationship for a long period, they will hold of the idea of marriage or may not even want to get married at all.
People with commitment phobias have unrealistic expectations. Whether it be for careers, relationships, they have expectations of perfections that are unattainable. They tend to be very picky and deem themselves as being perfect while they criticize others. And when their unattainable expectations are not met, they exit. And plans are hardly ever followed through. Even short term plans are often being changed or cancelled. When he or she has plans to do dinner with friend, they will change it when something better comes up, leaving the friend feeling jipped.
The commitment phobe is a thrill seeker. He or she seeks instant thrills that are short lived. This may lead to serial dating or even becoming promiscuous. They will feel an instant attraction to someone and pursue that chase, but the relationship never survives long. They may be very affectionate and attentive at first, but when the thrill is gone, they will jump to the next.
Seek out professional help. Talking about it will help. Get referrals on different professionals in the area. At each session, the healing process will progress. Most commitment phobic individuals actually do want to be cured in order to enrich their lives. Fear of commitment can really hurt many people and hinder many opportunities.
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