It isn’t unusual for clients to develop close associations with their psychotherapists. From the beginning, clients and their psychotherapists are seated close together inside a room reviewing personal and sensitive topics every week. Not only this, but the relationship and trust developed between a counselor and client is thought to be one of the most critical determinants of highly effective psychotherapy. Should this imply a therapist and client should think about one another as friends? While some individuals may certainly think so, most psychotherapists will firmly disagree.
Contrary to most relationships, which are inherently two-sided, the psychotherapy relationship is a one-sided relationship which is distinct from almost any other relationship you could have, be it personal or professional.
The majority of relationships are a give-and-take – we share more of ourselves as the other individual does likewise. As friends, you and I would likely have shared several situations over and above merely sitting inside the very same room talking every week and we’d probably understand a good deal about each other.
If you’ve been to therapy previously, you most likely know that, in psychotherapy, it is the client who reveals their private wishes, emotions, issues, and anxieties. The psychotherapist doesn’t. This is so both you and your therapist can concentrate completely on helping you resolve the issues that brought you to therapy to begin with.
Having said that, you might be wondering, if the rapport and trust established between a client and therapist is elemental to therapy’s success, how can someone develop this trust and rapport in this type of one-sided relationship?
A client’s trust in their therapist is initially built on the therapist’s promise of client confidentiality. From there, the trust and rapport between a client and therapist grows as the therapist proves themselves capable of listening to, and understanding, the client and helping the client effect the change they seek.
All this is not to say that therapy shouldn’t be “friendly.” Although, how friendly will depend on you and your therapist’s personalities as well as on your therapist’s theoretical orientation.
Many therapists, especially those who use psychoanalysis, feel they should not disclose anything concerning themselves to their clients. By not disclosing any information, they present themselves as clean slates to clients, making it easier for clients to project and “transfer” the ideas, thoughts, and feelings they have about other people in life (their spouses, siblings, parents, etc.) onto the therapist.
Many other therapists are far more ready to reveal their own feelings, thoughts, and personal lives with clients as they think clients are far more likely to express themselves openly when the counselor is perceived as being genuine or “real.” Although this may well leave the therapeutic relationship at increased risk of being mistaken for a friendship, many mental health practitioners feel it’s important to achieve an equilibrium between being friendly yet professional.
That having been said, you should not expect your therapist will become your friend, even once your therapy has officially ended, as this could generate what is referred to as a “dual relationship.”
Dual relationships come about when two people concurrently manage two very different types of relationships with each other. Examples of dual relationships in psychotherapy could be a psychotherapist working with a friend or relative or perhaps a counselor becoming sexually involved with a client. Almost all dual relationships are considered unethical in therapy.
The primary reason dual relationships are viewed as unethical in the field of psychotherapy is because any trouble in an external relationship can easily cause difficulties in the therapeutic relationship. For example, if you’re annoyed with your therapist because he or she did not attend a party you invited them to, you may be less inclined to openly and truthfully express yourself in therapy. Sexual relationships between therapists and clients are unethical for several reasons, not the least of which is that they enable a psychotherapist to exploit the power inherent in the one-sided nature of the therapeutic relationship.
Your therapist needs to be an individual you are comfortable with and they should be easy to communicate with. They might even be friendly. But bear in mind, regardless of how well you and your therapist get along, the therapeutic relationship should never be mistaken for friendship. By respecting the purely professional nature of the therapeutic relationship you’ll be able to more effectively focus on resolving the issues which led you to psychotherapy and creating the positive, enduring change you’re looking to produce.
To learn more about choosing a psychotherapist, visit Felita Fox’s website on counseling in Sunnyvale, CA.